There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
