just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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