pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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