I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
