Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
