My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
