Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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