Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
