i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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