What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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