If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
