Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just found puke in my bra..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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