I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
