I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
