those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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