Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
