Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
