your thong is hanging out like whoa
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
