Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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