did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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