ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
