Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
