So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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