I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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