look no pants
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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