3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize