Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
