god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize