She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
