Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
