Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
