So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
