like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
