I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
