I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize