It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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