Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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