Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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