GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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