all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
