Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
