omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
