i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
