Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
