Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
