I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize