I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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