i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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