Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
