Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
