He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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