I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
