haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
