Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
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