Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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