Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
