i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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