that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
