three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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