i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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