he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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