Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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