I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
