How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize