Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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