I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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