I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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