Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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