nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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