i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
