i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
