my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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