either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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