apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize