Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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