Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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