I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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