you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
