he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
