dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
