The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
